i stole cheese AKA the reconstruction of a crime

yep, i stole a "president le roux french country cheese" this week. an "extra creamy" country cheese for matter of fact. for 2.40 euro. and i know this sounds like a pretty shameless attack on the already weakened german economy, but i can assure you that it happened totally by accident. really. but in case you wanna try your own hands at shoplifting, this is how you do it:

look for a rather crowded aisle so you need to leave your shopping cart behind as you approach the cheese shelf. select your cheese carefully and take it from the shelf.
then -and this is the important part- you need to lose concentration for a moment. i recommend to either yawn generously or to reflect on that cute boy you kissed the past weekend. whatever works for you. then just as this moment is about to pass, you'll thoughtlessly slip the cheese into your tote. and i recommend you're going to use a tote for the day of the planned crime, as this kind of bag usually has a pretty big opening. this movement should come very naturally for you as your shopping cart isn't at hand, remember?
then you'll just walk back to the shopping cart and continue loading it with food. (if you get baguette, grapes and a bottle of wine you could have a "french dinner" that night.)
and now the tricky part. the check-out. you'll place all the product on the band for the cashier to ring up. but not the cheese!
after about half of your stuff is rang up, you'll carefully open your tote to take out some cotton bags. and then of course, you'll discover the cheese. you might have to practice a shocked facial expression at home in front of the mirror first, but for me spontaneity always works best. just, don't overdo it. you don't wanna attract the attention of your fellow shoppers or -even worse- the cashier. feign just enough, so that the security camera is able to register it. this is really important in case it comes to a court case about the stolen cheese.
now you've got two choices. a decent human being might take the cheese out of the tote, apologize to the cashier and then be arrested for shoplifting. but if you're a smart human being like me who values her money and loves her cheese, you'll discreetly drop that cheese back into the tote and then fill up the tote with the already rang up items. see, that way you can always claim that the cheese was with the other items on the band as well and that the cashier just might have not rang it up.
anyway, the unassuming cashier will ultimately present you with your total and you'll pay it and say goodbye, but not without displaying your most charming smile. which should come easily as you bask in the awareness that you just saved 2.40 euro and now got extra money to buy yourself some ice cream.

voila. who said leading a life of crime doesn't pay?