how do you like them donuts?
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
airport rebel in the poor house
living in a big cosmopolitan city can be beautiful. take my my new home berlin for example. it's got a great public transportation system, as well as a boundless array of nightlife and shopping venues. and it's artsy too. in fact it's so artsy that i sometimes feel like the only person in town who doesn't own an art gallery on the side. but it can be exhausting too and so i decided to go on a short getaway last weekend. the exotic location i chose? my hometown. it's called saarbruecken and is the capital of my home state saarland.
some years ago in a book store in LA, i picked up a german travel guide out of simple curiosity. and there my home area didn't even get its own chapter. we were bunched together with the state of rheinland-pfalz which lies right next to us. this showed me that the guide's author didn't know anything at all about my home country. in germany we're generally suspicious of everybody that isn't "us". we dislike "the others". for example people from the west don't like people from the east and vice versa. or people from bavaria think very little of the "prussians" that inhabit the rest of the country. and so it is also with people from saarland and rheinland-pfalz. we try to avoid each other. but i overcame my initial inhibition and read on. boy! the introductory line to the description of saarland was that it's the poorhouse of germany. at least if i ever hit it big in life i will have a good story on how i came from total poverty...
anyway, i booked a ticket home and so gave german wings another opportunity to embarrass and bully me. that airline hates me with a passion with a capital H and whatever. either they refuse my phone calls after my flight got cancelled or my suitcase is a centimeter too long. but this time actually started off well. there were three gorgeous guys standing in line at the check-in. though this struck me as somewhat suspicious as i kept thinking that gorgeous men like that would never fly to saarland. so when it was my turn to check-in, it turned out that i had been standing in line for the flight to munich. of course. but the lady at the desk was so nice and offered to check me in anyway. now, usually german wings employees always give me horrible attitude. so i was pleasantly surprised and waned myself in safety. boy! i totally forgot about this little evian plastic bottle in my purse. see, in the US those security rules have already been loosened up a bit. and i'm not totally up to date with all 3245 EU regulations that make europeans' lives hell every day. so as soon as my purse went through the security, somebody informed me that i couldn't take that bottle onto the plane. thinking that this was the sufficient measure to be taken, i offered to drink it on the spot. but then two more people stepped up to me and informed me in a stern voice that i also had to get back in line again. which didn't make sense to me and the other people in line who had to wait longer because of this as we all knew that everything had been fine except for the water bottle. so i went through security again and voila - everything was fine. only, it wasn't. since i was told i could only take up to 100 ml of liquid onto the plane, i had kept a very tiny amount of water in that bottle. but that didn't do it for them neither. i was informed that i couldn't even take that on board, since the bottle was able to contain more than 100 ml - even if it actually didn't. which then made me think that people could also never travel with an empty tupperware container in their hand luggage since most of those are able to hold more than 100ml. so i drank the last drop of water, but then was told that there were no trash cans nearby and that i had to take the empty bottle with me into the waiting area. which then made me think that i could even take it on the plane as well, naughty girl that i am. i was just about ready to do so when a uniformed man in a not exactly discreet manner ordered me to follow him into his office. i did and fully expected to be formally arrested there, but they only told me they had to search my laptop. aware that other people in line with a laptop weren't singled out, i asked what they were searching for. EXPLOSIVES i was told. yeah, right. explosives in my toshiba satellite m 115 notebook. right. my brother later told me that i should have answered them that there couldn't be any explosives in my laptop since i had just drunk them from the water bottle. but i wouldn't dare to be so aufmuepfig. they hate me already. so i just crumbled into my plane seat and tried to avoid any further eye contact. but couldn't help notice that another passenger brought a to go cup of coffee on board. now, i've worked long enough in coffee shops to know that it was a 16 oz cup. at least.
well, i finally landed in saarland. that is, right at the edge of saarland. right at the border to rheinland-pfalz. which actually doesn't even matter as both places just look and feel the same. i took the shuttle from the airport to saarbruecken. and when i took my seat, a female berliner in front of me turned to her husband and said "looks like we've arrived in the province." thinking "lady, you've seen nothing yet", i crumbled once more into my seat. it was a brutal reminder of my proletarian origins. but is there a better place to lick your airport security - inflicted wounds than home?
disclaimer:
actually i lied and i'm not really from saarbruecken. i grew up in a tiny village in the forest in the outskirts of saarbruecken. and i was born in voelklingen which is a rapidly dying former industrial city that was once selected as the most ugly town in germany.
some years ago in a book store in LA, i picked up a german travel guide out of simple curiosity. and there my home area didn't even get its own chapter. we were bunched together with the state of rheinland-pfalz which lies right next to us. this showed me that the guide's author didn't know anything at all about my home country. in germany we're generally suspicious of everybody that isn't "us". we dislike "the others". for example people from the west don't like people from the east and vice versa. or people from bavaria think very little of the "prussians" that inhabit the rest of the country. and so it is also with people from saarland and rheinland-pfalz. we try to avoid each other. but i overcame my initial inhibition and read on. boy! the introductory line to the description of saarland was that it's the poorhouse of germany. at least if i ever hit it big in life i will have a good story on how i came from total poverty...
anyway, i booked a ticket home and so gave german wings another opportunity to embarrass and bully me. that airline hates me with a passion with a capital H and whatever. either they refuse my phone calls after my flight got cancelled or my suitcase is a centimeter too long. but this time actually started off well. there were three gorgeous guys standing in line at the check-in. though this struck me as somewhat suspicious as i kept thinking that gorgeous men like that would never fly to saarland. so when it was my turn to check-in, it turned out that i had been standing in line for the flight to munich. of course. but the lady at the desk was so nice and offered to check me in anyway. now, usually german wings employees always give me horrible attitude. so i was pleasantly surprised and waned myself in safety. boy! i totally forgot about this little evian plastic bottle in my purse. see, in the US those security rules have already been loosened up a bit. and i'm not totally up to date with all 3245 EU regulations that make europeans' lives hell every day. so as soon as my purse went through the security, somebody informed me that i couldn't take that bottle onto the plane. thinking that this was the sufficient measure to be taken, i offered to drink it on the spot. but then two more people stepped up to me and informed me in a stern voice that i also had to get back in line again. which didn't make sense to me and the other people in line who had to wait longer because of this as we all knew that everything had been fine except for the water bottle. so i went through security again and voila - everything was fine. only, it wasn't. since i was told i could only take up to 100 ml of liquid onto the plane, i had kept a very tiny amount of water in that bottle. but that didn't do it for them neither. i was informed that i couldn't even take that on board, since the bottle was able to contain more than 100 ml - even if it actually didn't. which then made me think that people could also never travel with an empty tupperware container in their hand luggage since most of those are able to hold more than 100ml. so i drank the last drop of water, but then was told that there were no trash cans nearby and that i had to take the empty bottle with me into the waiting area. which then made me think that i could even take it on the plane as well, naughty girl that i am. i was just about ready to do so when a uniformed man in a not exactly discreet manner ordered me to follow him into his office. i did and fully expected to be formally arrested there, but they only told me they had to search my laptop. aware that other people in line with a laptop weren't singled out, i asked what they were searching for. EXPLOSIVES i was told. yeah, right. explosives in my toshiba satellite m 115 notebook. right. my brother later told me that i should have answered them that there couldn't be any explosives in my laptop since i had just drunk them from the water bottle. but i wouldn't dare to be so aufmuepfig. they hate me already. so i just crumbled into my plane seat and tried to avoid any further eye contact. but couldn't help notice that another passenger brought a to go cup of coffee on board. now, i've worked long enough in coffee shops to know that it was a 16 oz cup. at least.
well, i finally landed in saarland. that is, right at the edge of saarland. right at the border to rheinland-pfalz. which actually doesn't even matter as both places just look and feel the same. i took the shuttle from the airport to saarbruecken. and when i took my seat, a female berliner in front of me turned to her husband and said "looks like we've arrived in the province." thinking "lady, you've seen nothing yet", i crumbled once more into my seat. it was a brutal reminder of my proletarian origins. but is there a better place to lick your airport security - inflicted wounds than home?
disclaimer:
actually i lied and i'm not really from saarbruecken. i grew up in a tiny village in the forest in the outskirts of saarbruecken. and i was born in voelklingen which is a rapidly dying former industrial city that was once selected as the most ugly town in germany.
Thursday, March 8, 2007
nefertiti rocks!
today i went to visit the oldest female berliner. nefertiti, almost 3400 years old and still gorgeous. unfortunately though i don't have any pics to back up that claim as the lady has gotten quite the attitude and doesn't want to have her picture taken with a cellphone or camera-flash. who does she think she is? madonna?
seriously, i so didn't dare to break that rule after first being told by a museum guard to keep my purse closed and then being reprimanded by another guard for having my purse slung over my shoulder instead of carrying it by hand (don't ask). and by the time yet another guard followed me closely across two exhibition rooms i was convinced that either this museum took over the whole former Stasi staff from the GDR or that i must fit the profile of an internationally known art history thief. take a guess.
seriously, i so didn't dare to break that rule after first being told by a museum guard to keep my purse closed and then being reprimanded by another guard for having my purse slung over my shoulder instead of carrying it by hand (don't ask). and by the time yet another guard followed me closely across two exhibition rooms i was convinced that either this museum took over the whole former Stasi staff from the GDR or that i must fit the profile of an internationally known art history thief. take a guess.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
all is well in b-town
this week it's been three months since i've left LA and returned to my natural habitat in germany. and so far my accomplishments here have amounted to creating a sizeable paper trail in the jungle of german bureaucracy, furnishing my new digs in IKEA-chic and snogging two guys. so it's time for further reflection. but let's begin with my actual return.
it was crowned by a short and perfect lay-over in dublin. and i don't wanna brag here, but as soon as i set foot on the irish soil, days of dreadful rain came to an end and the sun smiled upon me and all those irish people running around. so i hopped onto a bus to town and went to "Maguire's" which was recommended to me by a nice irish man on the plane. after a yummy lunch and a smoooooooth glass of guiness, i went to a gift shop and bought a pencil which is topped by a sheep with a shamrock tattoo on his right hip. so adorable. though my evil greenpeace-activist-roommate upon whom i will reflect later on, calls it "the girlie pencil". anyway, it was time to return to the airport and as a dutiful and punctual german i did just so.
upon my return to my vaterland i stayed at my parents' house for a good six weeks that sometimes felt like six years. there i went right back to my german habits of spending the days rinsing out empty yoghurt containers for better recycling, listening to ABBA and Queen on the radio and being repressed. but all was not peaceful during this particular christmas time. in fact, december 2006 will go down in history as the time when the whole country of germany was overcome by a collective fear of cinnamon. yes, cinnamon. because cinnamon is deadly, at least a certain kind of cinnamon if consumed in big quantities. that's at least what some german newspaper said. now you have to know that some of the most popular christmas cookies in germany are cinnamon wafers. and they're truly yummy. but during this particular christmas time people kept sniffing at them and when they were given as a gift, they were generally received with suspicious glances and the gift giver was put down on the potential mortal enemy-list. yes, germans keep track of those things. they're very organized in general. some incredibly thoughtful german mind eventually came up with the rule that it was safe to consume up to three cinnamon wafers daily. the size or thickness of the cinnamon wafer was left out of consideration though. i myself braved the whole controversy by indulging in a complete bag full of cinnamon wafers in one day. and voila, i'm still standing!
it was crowned by a short and perfect lay-over in dublin. and i don't wanna brag here, but as soon as i set foot on the irish soil, days of dreadful rain came to an end and the sun smiled upon me and all those irish people running around. so i hopped onto a bus to town and went to "Maguire's" which was recommended to me by a nice irish man on the plane. after a yummy lunch and a smoooooooth glass of guiness, i went to a gift shop and bought a pencil which is topped by a sheep with a shamrock tattoo on his right hip. so adorable. though my evil greenpeace-activist-roommate upon whom i will reflect later on, calls it "the girlie pencil". anyway, it was time to return to the airport and as a dutiful and punctual german i did just so.
upon my return to my vaterland i stayed at my parents' house for a good six weeks that sometimes felt like six years. there i went right back to my german habits of spending the days rinsing out empty yoghurt containers for better recycling, listening to ABBA and Queen on the radio and being repressed. but all was not peaceful during this particular christmas time. in fact, december 2006 will go down in history as the time when the whole country of germany was overcome by a collective fear of cinnamon. yes, cinnamon. because cinnamon is deadly, at least a certain kind of cinnamon if consumed in big quantities. that's at least what some german newspaper said. now you have to know that some of the most popular christmas cookies in germany are cinnamon wafers. and they're truly yummy. but during this particular christmas time people kept sniffing at them and when they were given as a gift, they were generally received with suspicious glances and the gift giver was put down on the potential mortal enemy-list. yes, germans keep track of those things. they're very organized in general. some incredibly thoughtful german mind eventually came up with the rule that it was safe to consume up to three cinnamon wafers daily. the size or thickness of the cinnamon wafer was left out of consideration though. i myself braved the whole controversy by indulging in a complete bag full of cinnamon wafers in one day. and voila, i'm still standing!
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